Summer
Changes
Back-to-school struggles still surprise many parents. After all, kids
go back to school every year -- why don't they know what to expect?
Well, consider this:
The growth rate of kids is so fast that going back to the previous
year's routine can seem pretty stale.
Kids either dread or look forward to a new school year depending on what
they remember from last year. Expectations are nearly everything.
What's it like to go back to school? Imagine a job change for you. Your
kids also may be in a new building this year, which makes it even harder
to feel comfortable.
#1. Get a Grip
Your relationship with your children has a great effect on them. So
it's important not to act too crazed about the return to school. Build
in extra time, put irrelevant projects on hold, stay rested, and try to
stick closer to your kids. Dads need to listen up, too. Many jobs seem
to pick up at this time of year, and it's easy to get sucked down by the
undertow.
#2. Case the Joint
Even if your child knows the school well, it still feels good to get
reacquainted. My third-grade daughter was always crabby until she saw
her classroom, thought about the schedule, met her teacher, and picked
out her clothes. Your kids may enjoy getting a "sneak preview" with
another child from her school or class. Call before you go, since school
buildings may be open the Saturday before opening day.
#3. Don't Clean the Slate
Fresh starts are so promising that we tend to overdo them. This may
seem like a great time to clean up, sort out, and set new ground rules
for family life. Chores are reassigned, allowances renegotiated, and
afterschool sports and activities scheduled. While change is good, the
timing requires some reflection. Too much too soon can make even the
most cooperative child balk. Focus on the start of school, and revisit
the other issues after your kids feel more settled.
#4. Be Reassuring
Tell your kids that they'll be fine! Before school starts, encourage
them to reconnect with school buddies they may not have seen over the
summer. This may take some brokering, depending on the particular social
appetite of your child, but it's money in the bank for reducing fears of
isolation in the new classroom. If they want to, let them take part of
their sticker or baseball card collection to school (with the teacher's
approval). Listen to their worries and don't minimize, dismiss, or try
to talk them out of them. These fears are real to your child.
#5. Set the Stage
Shopping for supplies and clothes should be fun, but overdoing this
can be boring and a little scary to kids. Spend time thinking together
about quiet time and reading and work space in the house. Choose special
places, like corners of rooms, or certain tables or chairs, to show your
kids that you'll help them find space where they can do the things that
matter, like reading and homework.
#6. Meet the Teacher
Your child is still young enough to feel comforted by an open
communication between parent and teacher. In fact, when parents and
teachers have regular discussions about school and home events, kids
feel a more trusting connection with the school as a whole, and tend to
try harder both socially and academically. Check-ins about new or
recently lost pets, family moves, births, and deaths can help a teacher
fathom something in your child that might otherwise seem mysterious.
Most good schools would rather know sooner than later if you are worried
about your child's school experience.